Wind at My Back

Have you ever gone biking on a trail you've never been on before, where the route is entirely new to you and you have no idea what to expect around each corner and bend?  You know that there will be some difficult steep hills as well as some nice, long downhills to enjoy, but you don't know when they are coming or how long each will last.  One thing you do know however is that there will be both.  Ups and downs.  There will be times when it seems like you are going up hill FOREVER and you wonder when will it ever end!  And as you're in the middle of biking up this steep, challenging hill the wind starts to blow against you and you have to give it all you've got with every single push of the pedal.  And with each breath you take you wonder if you're going to make it.  The weariness is growing thick.  The exhaustion is setting in.  There's so much resistance - the hill, the wind - you're wondering how much more can you take!  You know in your mind that it's eventually going to end and that soon the wind will be at your back instead of in your face, but when?  Sooner than later would be nice, right?!

Well, the wind is at my back - finally!  It took much longer than I would have liked, but it has happened (dare I say it).  And it feels so good to finally be cruising down hill again - or at least on some flat terrain.  :)    Now don't get me wrong or anything, being a SAHM is my dream come true and I really love it, but I had a really rough patch recently.  It mostly was because the kids, as well as Steve and I, were non-stop sick with colds and flus and such.  When the days turned into weeks and then the weeks turned into months, I didn't know how much longer I could keep going.  I was weary.  Beyond weary actually.  I can't even think of the word to accurately describe where I was at, but it was hard. 

In retrospect, I can really appreciate that difficult time.  It brought me so much closer to the Lord - honestly.  I was forced to lean into Him.  There were many matters of my heart that came to the surface during that time too and if I hadn't gone to such a deep, difficult place I don't believe those matters would have arose.  I think God often works that way in our lives and I am so grateful for it (although at the time I would have given anything to make that difficult time end). 

So, here I am now.  Coasting on my bike with the wind at my back!  Enjoying every moment with my sweet kids again.  Not to say that everything's easy breezy all the time, ha!  Hardly!  Although my circumstances are much better than they were - our family is no longer constantly sick and I am no longer sleep deprived - it does not mean that my everyday life is easy and perfect.  But I am different now, not because of anything I have done, but because of God and the fact that He loves me and met with me when I desperately needed Him.